Someone asked me
today, “isn’t it awkward for you to be here?”
Not knowing what
to answer, I just smile and tried to think deeper, “is it awkward?!”
I couldn’t really
find the answer to the question…cuz honestly I am not sure how I felt. I should
feel awkward but I feel nothing instead. I acknowledge the existence but that
is all it.
Not so long ago
someone asked me how can I be so cool about it cuz if it were her in my shoes,
she would be crazy nervous and cool is the least thing to describe her at that
moment in time.
I can still
remember what I told her…I told her when you’ve reached one point in your life;
you can no longer feel the extreme emotional rush that you used to get when you
were a lot younger. You can no longer feel extreme sadness or extreme joy….your
feeling is basically calm.
When you are
happy, you smile...
When you are
sad, you didn’t smile but you didn’t cry either.
There are no
words to describe this but I believe others out there are experiencing the
same.
To be honest,
there are times when I miss the extreme emotional rush…let it be joy or pain…cuz
you just want to feel something extreme…but come to think of it, I prefer
myself to be this way.
...