Untold Story of Him
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Today at 11:13pm
A grown up boy was being asked to reminisce about her childhood but he remain silent. When he could finally recall, he paused and took quite a long time in between his short list of childhood memories. He only remembered where he went to school but had no memory of his kindergarten friends and could only mentioned three activities that he did during his preschool years.
Then, slowly the person probed his elementary school years, he could recall a lot of things, most were the activities that he spent in school, not much to talk about what he did with his family at home. He slowly opened up to the person about being mentally and emotionally abused. He was forced to live up to his parents expectations. He was too scared to be happy when his family was around.
Next, he was asked about his high school. Just because he think and act differently compared to other students, he was invisibly isolated. His every acts were judged and criticized. He was the kind of people who bottled up his feelings and only had few close friends. He joined a few activities and happily involved with them.Unfortunately most of his life was about routine and timetable. Then he realized he barely had time dedicated for himself. During those years, he still trying hard to meet his parents' expectation.
Finally, a few months after finishing high school he moved away from home. He felt pleasantly happy but as he arrived, he struggled to stand on his own feet. (Almost) Entire of his life, his parents did all the things for him. He finally met good friends who were his roomates. He slowly began to discover the meaning of happiness and laughter. Even though he went through such ordeal, his roomates were always there. He opened up his true self to others but, he was so afraid of being called such an hypocrite. He was sandwiched between being who he is and who he should be. He constantly juggled his personality.
But as he grew older, his parents blamed him for not knowing how to do house chores (as he was not used to them before) and how to properly converse with people accordingly to their class and status. Subsequently he began to rebel. He even dare to answer his parents back, now he manage to stand firm on his own feet. He was so sick of being wronged all the times and his parents used himself as an excuse, that was calling him an ingrate son.
After being a few years away from home, he went home for good - at least what he thought. He tried to develop himself to be a better person compare to what he was before. The world crumbled before his very eyes, his parents still loathed him, his friends alienated him and his former love betrayed him. How many countless nights, he held back his tears, then one day he broke into stream of tears - he was defeated.
Over the years he became skillful at concealing his feelings around people. He knew deep inside he had long gone. A tinge of happiness he felt did as little to ease the pain he suffered. Wondered why it was written in past tense, he died and nobody would really notice. Below is the poem I wrote for him -
"...."
I don't know what happiness is anymore that...
I forget what smile is or ... how to...
The borderline between right or wrong has ceased...
Never does it matter anymore...between...
Who I am or who I should be...
I don't know to whom I belong...
I don't know where I come from...
But I am suppose to go there...to..
wherever it is...with people I don't know
I don't know what to do...
I am not sure how any of this, here...
Suppose to help...
taken from myblog.
....from my friend's blog...===> aida in http://calamitystar.blogspot.com