insanely happy

....insanely happy...

...INSANELY happy...

...insanely HAPPY....

...INSANELY HAPPY...

...these words keeps on playing on my mind again and again lately...i didnt know why....
...by the way its from the movie He's not that Into You....its Drew Barrymore line...i love her....and i just want to be.....

INSANELY HAPPY.....is that possible? :p

Rintik rintik hujan

It has been drizzling all evening…and all night…my bedroom windows being left open..letting the cold breeze entering the room. Guess its not summer yet …since there is no rain during summer. Hot all day and all night.

Today's new experiment…Ouchterlony assay. Again, I learn from my most helpful labmate, Isaji…so helpful and so great with the lab work. Just like me, he is still master year one…but apparently he has so much more experience that me…

Listening to Ketika Cinta Bertasbih by Melly Goeslow…great song…a bit like Ayat ayat cinta by Rossa…and it reminds me of something sad…but its over now…so why talk about it…right? :)

Baskin Robbin ends their 'Challenge the Triple' promotion last month…just before the summer started. Guess that's their strategy since summer promise more customer….watever…I want their ice-cream right now….hmmm….

So many things that I want right now…small simple things that would brighten up my day…but like what my sayang said, things I want is usually the things that is so hard to get…like right now, I badly want M&M…the classic one..no nuts…no crackers…just plain chocolate M&M…..

urghhhhhh

The Thousandth Man

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it’s worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth Man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.

‘Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for ‘ee
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em go
By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him,
The rest of the world don’t matter,
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water

You can use his purse with no more talk
Then he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em call
For silver and gold in their dealings,
But the Thousandth Man he’s worth ‘em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong’s your wrong, and his right’s your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men’s sight –
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can’t bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot- and after!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

...just me...

Adjectives describing me:

spontaneous,
enthusiastic,
idealistic,
extroverted,
theoretical,
emotional,
relaxed,
friendly,
optimistic,
charming,
helpful,
independent,
individualistic,
creative,
dynamic,
lively,
humorous,
full of zest for life,
imaginative,
changeable,
adaptable,
loyal,
sensitive,
inspiring,
sociable,
communicative,
erratic,
curious,
open,
vulnerable

...jangan begitu,,,

...bila kita cuma dgr cerita dr sebelah pihak...dan terus menghakimi situasi....itu tidak adil...

…Someone said…

Whenever we fight... I would get out of the room and less than 5 minutes later I would go back and hug her so hard and say I'm sorry...I don't care who's fault is it … I mean I have to stop the fight and makes things better... that's my responsibility as the man.

it's his responsibility to do one important thing to protect u....including protect your feelings

People say time solves problems... but time also hurts.

_anonymous_

*My Saturday* (….my long due post…)

 

Bangun pagi…on laptop…bukak tingkap….kemas katil

Comment: panas hari tok…bukak tingkap pagi2 pun sekda angin sejuk masuk.

Pasya meng-fesbuk all morning……right now tgh gila ngan Sorority Life…haha…best gila….we have to organize our own sorority house…and attack other girls to get cash (other than organizing event)…lol…if only its true…

Comment: this addiction to fb games is taking too much of my time…but since I don't have anything better to do….sekpala nak… ;)

Cuci baju….washing machine luar rumah..being someone bertudung, I was so cautious whenever I step out the house sik bertudung…takut terserempak ngan neighbor bah…huhu….masa ambik baju yg dah siap d basuh….tiba2 terdengar bunyi org rumah sbelah bukak pintu…melompat masuk rmh sendiri..hehe…

Then….had a Hot Hot conversation with my sayang….me….sentiasa dahagakan perhatian…ya la jadinya… malas nak komen lebih2….

Tghari…perut mula berbunyi…tapi belum mandi…apatah lagi nak masak…….tapi disebabkan Hot hot conversation tadi….rasa lapar tidak begitu terasa….so ahernya mandi…..pasya sbab Hot Hot conversation juak….rasa nak gurin2 jak sambil baca buku….

So menjelang lepas tengahari, baca2 buku d atas katil..sambil menikmati angin sepoi2 bahasa dr kipas pemberian junior sayangku…. sangat berjasa kipas itu.

Entah bila dan bagaimana…..baca buku sampai menutup mata..hehe..sedar2 dah pukul 4….

Cek hp…ada msg dari teman yg ajak klua…janji pukul 4 jumpa kat Shinjuku…sedangkan jam dah pukul 4…tp diri masih d rumah….dengan pantas menghantar msg menanyakan 'kitak masih mok kmk datang kah?' …ekceli I did sent a msg to him saying I am not coming……but ntah knak..diri asyik 'bergelumang' dengan manusia yg agak persistent lately….so ahernya saya pergi….

Berjalan ke train station ambik masa lebih kurang 15-20mins…all the way I was sweating…urghhh…dlm hati pun berkata…'nasib bait sik makei make-up…mun sik nak ka cair make-up…aiya'….seriously…it was hot yesterday….the heat…urghh….rasa mok terjun dalam sungei jak eh….and yet sidak madah mid of august will be so much hotter with the temp around 30-40⁰ C…and with the high humidity…you will be sweating like a pig…isk…that's the saying okay…wp dlm hati mengeluh-kesah panas…tapi muka menten kiut..haha….

Sampei d train station…..reload kad…kmk pakei 'pasmo' d sitok…being a foreigners, kmk gna la machine yg ada guidance English..yg 'bestnya' bila kita pilih English…nya akan ada narrator…and suara narrator ya amatla kuat…sampey mamat jepun sbelah pun noleh..hehe….'sori bang, saya foreigner… :p'

Pasya train pun datang….jelas dan nyata d train ya padah Express Sagami-Ono…Sagami-Ono tok berada d tengah2 my place(Tokaidaigakumae) dan tempat d tuju (Shinjuku)…so mun nait nok tok…sik la sampey ke Shinjuku nak? Sampey Sagami Ono jak….p sbab malas tunggu…nait jakla….pasya bila sampey Sagami Ono terpaksa turun n naik the other train yg sampai Shinjuku……jam dah menunjukkan pukul 5.30…..huhu…..tringat teman yg tgh tunggu dr jam 4…gila la...sian eh…huhu….

Ahernya…sampai d Shinjuku jam 6.15 (lebih kurang la)…station paling ramei orang…and smua org rushing to their destination…seriously…nang rushing…mun nak jalan berlenggang d sia komfem dlanggar org lain…(ya metafora ok….Japanese sangat menghormati others pun 'space')…..

First thing…call teman….dgn muka tenang n control hensem…..nya datang…hehe….kontrol hensem…aiyaaa…g makan kat First Kitchen…upon his suggestion…kmk order Ebi burger n fries perisa butter….nyum nyum…owh…ebi is udang..hehe……burger udang..nyamannnnn……. (info tambahan …MacD sitok pun ada burger udang..nang nyam2!)

Pasya he show me around…the Shinjuku sky scrappers…..kacak…nang best…ala2 dlm tv…heh heh….

Pasya naik train….g Ueno….kmk ska nama tempat tok U-We-No…camya sebutnya…ejaan UENO…hehe…..on the way g tmpt karaoke..he shows me panggung wayang yg show Adult Movie…seriously…there are such things here..hehe…according to him, that panggung wayang cuma tunjuk adult movie….so tgk adult movie beramai2….buat yg innocent….adult movie lebih kurang cam porn kot..hehe…kmk pun kurang pasti sbnrnya… :p

Pasya jumpa teman2 lain..and g karaoke….for the very first time in my life….yup..hehe….enjoyed it very much…. ;)

Ya ajak la tek…lamak sik mengarut panjang lebar camtok…gamba2 lamak dah sik d ambik….huhu….kelak mu nada kmk upload…..d FB okay… ;)

bukannyer ko menjawap kalau d call

...mun...

mun saya dapat memandu skarang...saya akan drive ke atas bukit and spend some alone quiet time there....just to get things back to perspective....

mun saya banyak duit skarang...saya akan balit kch kinik2 tok juak...or at least the next available flight to kch...

mun saya d rmh saya d kch...saya akan duduk depan tv dan tgk movie semahu2nya.....mok nangga good movies on hbo or cinemax or star movie...nangga movie d dvd or donwloaded movies sik se best nangga movie d tv...

mun saya boleh drive skarang...dan saya ada duit lebih...saya akan g shopping skarang...i need suit for my interview next week.

mun saya ahli sihir cam harry potter....first thing saya polah is slim down myself menggunakan MaGic....just swift and flick... :p

mun saya d tepi pantai skarang....saya akan duduk...dan duduk...dan berfikir....sorang2....

i need a break....i need the movies or the stars or the waves to keep me sane for a while...and give me back the strength i badly need....

i am strong......but i need to be stronger...

officially

...sesungguhnya saya (nama penuh) dengan rasminya mengumumkan bahawa saya(nama penuh) rindu nak memandu.

saya perlukan lesen international utk memandu di sini...yang sepatutnya saya buat sebelum saya 'fly' ke sini...namun atas alasan sibuk dan kekurangan wang pada masa itu, lesen itu tidak dbuat.

dan sekarang saya menderita kerana kerinduan utk memandu...sangat rindu...huwaaaaaaaaaaaa...

...deep...

Untold Story of Him
Share
Today at 11:13pm
A grown up boy was being asked to reminisce about her childhood but he remain silent. When he could finally recall, he paused and took quite a long time in between his short list of childhood memories. He only remembered where he went to school but had no memory of his kindergarten friends and could only mentioned three activities that he did during his preschool years.

Then, slowly the person probed his elementary school years, he could recall a lot of things, most were the activities that he spent in school, not much to talk about what he did with his family at home. He slowly opened up to the person about being mentally and emotionally abused. He was forced to live up to his parents expectations. He was too scared to be happy when his family was around.

Next, he was asked about his high school. Just because he think and act differently compared to other students, he was invisibly isolated. His every acts were judged and criticized. He was the kind of people who bottled up his feelings and only had few close friends. He joined a few activities and happily involved with them.Unfortunately most of his life was about routine and timetable. Then he realized he barely had time dedicated for himself. During those years, he still trying hard to meet his parents' expectation.

Finally, a few months after finishing high school he moved away from home. He felt pleasantly happy but as he arrived, he struggled to stand on his own feet. (Almost) Entire of his life, his parents did all the things for him. He finally met good friends who were his roomates. He slowly began to discover the meaning of happiness and laughter. Even though he went through such ordeal, his roomates were always there. He opened up his true self to others but, he was so afraid of being called such an hypocrite. He was sandwiched between being who he is and who he should be. He constantly juggled his personality.

But as he grew older, his parents blamed him for not knowing how to do house chores (as he was not used to them before) and how to properly converse with people accordingly to their class and status. Subsequently he began to rebel. He even dare to answer his parents back, now he manage to stand firm on his own feet. He was so sick of being wronged all the times and his parents used himself as an excuse, that was calling him an ingrate son.

After being a few years away from home, he went home for good - at least what he thought. He tried to develop himself to be a better person compare to what he was before. The world crumbled before his very eyes, his parents still loathed him, his friends alienated him and his former love betrayed him. How many countless nights, he held back his tears, then one day he broke into stream of tears - he was defeated.

Over the years he became skillful at concealing his feelings around people. He knew deep inside he had long gone. A tinge of happiness he felt did as little to ease the pain he suffered. Wondered why it was written in past tense, he died and nobody would really notice. Below is the poem I wrote for him -

"...."

I don't know what happiness is anymore that...
I forget what smile is or ... how to...
The borderline between right or wrong has ceased...
Never does it matter anymore...between...
Who I am or who I should be...

I don't know to whom I belong...
I don't know where I come from...
But I am suppose to go there...to..
wherever it is...with people I don't know
I don't know what to do...
I am not sure how any of this, here...
Suppose to help...

taken from myblog.

....from my friend's blog...===> aida in http://calamitystar.blogspot.com

...

...

questions....

....i am someone　who seek confirmation and ask questions again and again eventhough i m pretty certain with the answer...
...i gave a simple direct easy to understand question....and a simple 'yes' or 'no' is the answer i am looking for...
...dont blame me for thinking negatively...for you are someone who are so hard to give me that confirmation...confirmation i need again and again(its not all the time though!).....but i need it time and time again.....just say yes...or god-forbid...no....thats all i need to hear...no need the explanation......

MJ

....a celebrity death rarely affect me this much...but once in a while it
does...especially does who sang the song that can really touch my heart...

songs like*earth song*you are not alone*they don't really care about us*will you be there*...

worldwide were shocked by his death...whatever is the cause of his death...lets pray he will rest in peace....if its true he's a Muslim...lets pray Allah bless his soul...

ajal sesuatu yang pasti....cuma kita tidak akan tahu bila masanya....

MC

...kamek mok berik diri sendiri MC....MC means medical cert nak? atau mun translation dlm bhs pasarnya...sick leave...
...siney nak dapat MC sitok owh...huhu.......sik tauk pa masalah diri...p i am dragging every bones and flesh n lemak(euwww..haha)....in my body to get out of bed...mandi then klua dr rmh...n berjalan ke lab....

have class this afternoon.....ada progress meeting kol 5...then dinner with someone from UNIMAS....i dread so much about going to the dinner...its just dinner but i am nervous as hell....sometimes mixing around with the superior can suck the life out of you....huwarghhhh.....i need to be in my colleagues(mun salah eja sorry..malas nak cek)....
...i need to be with people who are my age...about the same maturity as mine...can speak my language(bhs sarawak is even better)...and i need to let loose sometime....mok bergelak ketawa dan bergosip pasal benda2 bodo...aihhh....miss my sisters n munee....munee my beloved cousin....my twins....and miss my friends yg leh jd tempat kmk bercerita.....org yg kmk leh sampey duduk bersila...bertepuk tampa lengan nya masa bercerita......org leh teman kmk bercerita berjam2...bertuka2 topik....tetak kejap..srius kejap....diam kejap bila 'malaikat lalu'...huhu..ya kata org....

pa pa pun...bak kata kawan kmk....No Matter What You Feel, Get Dress and Show Up....get dress ka katanya owh...lupak dah...p something camya la bunyi nya tek.... btol la apa dkata ny...sukung-sukung...huhu

sometimes it is so hard to prove to someone how much we love...how much we care about them...no matter how hard we tried....even when that person is in your arms....they can still doubt the love you have for them.....

hurt

...what can be more hurtful than this?...someone hurt you unintentionally...and you have to let go cuz they did it without even realize it that it is hurtful.....or maybe they did realize it but to egoistic to take it back or say sorry....
you badly want to let it go cuz keeping it inside will only hurt you more and more later....but at the same time it is too hurtful to let go...
...over time you have realize that even if you did tell them that their words are hurtful, its like 'mencurah air ke daun keladi'....it will happen again....cuz in their eyes...they are innocent....they didnt mean to hurt you.....

watever...going to bed.....

Puppy

My oyasan has puppy….a cute brown puppy…

Until last week, this puppy would run each time he saw me. He would quickly disappear into the house whenever I am around…and I would just smile…

It is very cute…and adorable…

But…

Since yesterday…each time I walk by…he would run to me…jumping around me…trying to place his tiny paws on my leg….trying to get attention….

Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…… and I would laugh and scream at the same time…it's a mixed up feeling. Seriously I don't know what to do…my oyasan would quickly try to call their puppy….but the puppy seems to love me more…hahaha….

At last they have to catch the puppy and hold him in their hand till I leave….

Pengalaman owh pengalaman…..

...by the way.....the picture above is how the puppy look like....same type... :)