Me

I don’t know what to blog. Maybe I refuse to discuss it later…with anyone…at anytime…unless I started it first.

I used to blog…a lot…I take critics… I indulge in praises…but nobody really discuss what I post privately… unless I started it first. I guess that’s how I want it work. People may comment on the comments box…but that’s it. What’s in the cyber-space should remain in the cyber-space…my blogging I mean…should remain in my blog…only…unless I want to discuss it…then I would start it first.

I am so tired. Sometime I don’t even know why I am so tired. Food rarely gives me that satisfaction. I used to be an emotional eater. But not here and I can’t really explain why. Is it the food….or have I changed…really change….if I have change…means that’s good news. I don’t want to be an emotional eater for the rest of my life. I get enough sleep…but still I yawn almost all the time…waking up in the morning used to be so easy for me…but now I have to drag myself out of bed…

Every week, girls here invite me to their small gathering….solat Maghrib jemaah…bacaan yasin…then Isya’….then just hang around….so far I have been none of it. I can’t explain it…I just don’t. I am touched that they didn’t give up inviting me though…this is me…sometimes.

I have no girlfriends here. Partly because I didn’t make any. People who knows me would just smile and said,’ fiela nang camya’….am I choosy? I don’t know. I hope not. I miss my housemate when I was in UNIMAS. They were good friends. I miss Zerd…I miss my roommates and tutorial-mates back in KML…

I am addicted to Grey’s anatomy…more than ever. Sometimes I feel like that’s how I escape from my own miseries and trouble (not that I am misery at all time)…anyway…watching Grey’s and all their complicated love life makes me pretty occupied…and it feels like for a while my head can rest from thinking all of the things in my life right now.

Honestly…I need a good cry…badly…I need someone who can listen to me and won’t judge me…I need that person who won’t get upset or mad or sad… I need Christina(yeah…that character in Grey’s Anatomy)…or maybe George OMalley...he is such a good person....I need that person badly…

...

...
we can sew the flesh
repair the damage
ease the pain

but when life breaks down
when we break down
there's no science
there's no hard and fast rule
we just have to feel our way through
...

...run...

I don’t know what I am running away from...but I’m sure I’m running away from something…

Denial…?

What is there in my life that needs denials?

Shockingly…shockingly I look into the mirror today…and I was quite surprised to see myself…shockingly I’m surprised…

What more could I possibly hope for in my blessed life?

kamek sik terseksa...

..baca balit blog tadik...and i'm quite shocked to know that how much i complained lately....aihhh....knak fiela jadi camtok? padanla org kata kamek sik bersyukur utk berada d sitok... :p

kamek sik terseksa di sitok....kamek happy sitok...

i'm watching tv from my cool hp...i can watch it anytime,anywhere i want for free...i can even record it so i can watch the show later...

i love my phone...even the us citizen is praying for this phone to be release in their country... :p.... yurps....so far this phone can only be found in Japan(as far as i know)..which is one of the reason i chose it over Iphone... heh heh

then i'm losing weight...after so many years of easily gaining weight....i can finally easily loosing weight as well... ;) thanks to my healthy diet here....most of all my sugar intake is so low here...

now its spring....flowers everywhere.....beautiful colourful flowers everywhere....

the internet connection! ohhh....so fast.....the best way to describe it, is this...imagine you dont have to wait for the video at youtube to buffer...you just click play and watch.....sik payah tunggu2.....or the fact that you can download the entire Grey's Anatomy Season 5 within one day...one day people! ;)

and the food...the new food i tried almost every week....the places i've been...things i've tried......i love this country...

the clean toilet....even in public crowded places....

the polite people...the smile-all-the-time waitress....

etc...etc...etc....

enough said... ;)

p/s: memang la stiap yg positive ada negatifnya...tok bukan utopia... :p

....stay with me...

One morning I woke up and feel so down…talking doesn’t help.

I’ve been in my lowest darkest moment….and I hope I won’t ever have to live through it again.

This is nothing compared to what I felt back then.

Now…

I am grateful to be born as Muslim and live as Muslim.

I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful to be loved and cared.

I am grateful to be here.

Someone told me….’you don’t have to say what you want people to believe about you. Prove it to them instead’. I couldn’t agree more. :)

I know I complained a lot…I whine a lot more….for that I’m sorry.

I know I can be so negative sometimes…I take things negatively…I see things negatively…(would you believe me that I tried to see it positively but I failed?)…I’m sorry about that too.

I have nothing else to say…

Nyamuk

Where should I start?

I thought all of this had end since I’m not in high school anymore.

Enter KML…same thing happen…..i thought….maybe they just left highschool…so that attitude still in them…they didn’t know any better….they are not that matured yet…

Then I went to UNIMAS….thinking that since it’s a HIGHER LEARNING INSTITUTE, the students there would be much more intelligent and wise, compared to those in HighSchool or Matriculation College……again…I’m wrong…. Age has nothing to do with this…maturity have nothing to do with it…

Then I’m here….most of the people I know are HIGHLY INTELLECTUAL and they are the ‘SELECTED’ ones…thought it wouldn’t happen here….. I’m wrong! AGAIN….and I can say… INTELLIGENT has nothing to do with it……

People! Get a LIFE! Count your own sins!

Jangan nanti sebab nak kumpul pahala nasihati orang….kamu dapat dosa sebab menyebarkan fitnah!

Know the different between BITCHING and MENASIHATI SEIKHLASNYA!

Sure…you know my name…you know my dad’s name….you’ve seen my face…we’ve talk….maybe you’ve work with me….but does that means you knew me? You don’t know me at all…AT ALL……

And since you don’t know me…..STOP BITCHING about me!


p/s: Sometimes I let this thing get to me…and it just drive me mad...and even bring me tears sometimes....….but really….you are just NYAMUK yang terbang BERDESING-DESING di telinga….annoying enough to irritate me….but then I can just *slap it off*……or just *IGNORE*…

Losing myself in Shinjuku

Shinjuku is one of the busiest stations in Tokyo. Some people said it’s actually the centre of Tokyo.　‘Handling more than two million passengers each day, Shinjuku Station is Japan's busiest railway station, served by six railway companies and about a dozen railway and subway lines, including the JR Yamanote Line.’（quoted from here）

Yup. It is that busy. When you're in that train station, you feel like everyone is rushing to someplace. They walk so fast, till you feel like you are slow-jogging if you want to keep up with them.. :p

I actually takes about half an hour(or slow jog should i say) out of the train station...since i didnt know where I'm going, i just keep on chanting 'i just want to see the sky'...and when i finally did...i felt such a relief....the train is actually underground...and you can feel pretty claustrophobic...especially with the crowds....

Here are some pictures….most of the pictures are not mine though… ;)

the streets....here....the pedestrian walk are as busy as the road ...the zebra-line is as large as 2 lane road...like this

...where else can you find such a large zebra crossing....?

...and more pics inside the train station....

so crowded right? but no pushing okay....and people just mind their own bussiness...they either chat with their partner...or play with their cool handphones...or read magazinez/novel/comics....or sleep!

The Japanese can sleep almost every where and any position...standing or sitting....trust me...they can even sleep while waiting for their experiment to be completed( tok kmk pun labmate la...tauk2 nya dah tido kat sbelah ya...isk).....its not really sleep la....take a nap perhaps?

....do notice how they que up before they enter the train...and how they give way for people to exit the train first before they enter.....how convinient for everyone!

and yup...the girl in white shirt and blue skirt is a school girl...you won't believe how short they 'lipat' their school uniform skirt....so short you can see their colourful panties when they are sitting *emoticon terbeliak mata*....haha...but they are still some nerdy/proper/respectful school girl who wear their school uniform as its should be.....the skirt is actually below-the-knee length.....

p/s: i do love it here....i'm as homesick as i can be...and it is worse now because my sisters are all home and i just miss them so badly.... but i'm fine....i'm in Japan...how cant i be fine? :p

...

.....when will this tears stop...

...

...tears...cant help to solve the problem....cant heal broken heart...cant mend shaky relationship....

...but its seems like thats the only thing i'm capable to do now....

...if i can run...i would....calm myself and see this problem from a better perspective...and solve it the way that will please almost everyone....

....but where can i go?....

....god help....feels so hopeless....and so alone....