Me

I don’t know what to blog. Maybe I refuse to discuss it later…with anyone…at anytime…unless I started it first.

I used to blog…a lot…I take critics… I indulge in praises…but nobody really discuss what I post privately… unless I started it first. I guess that’s how I want it work. People may comment on the comments box…but that’s it. What’s in the cyber-space should remain in the cyber-space…my blogging I mean…should remain in my blog…only…unless I want to discuss it…then I would start it first.

I am so tired. Sometime I don’t even know why I am so tired. Food rarely gives me that satisfaction. I used to be an emotional eater. But not here and I can’t really explain why. Is it the food….or have I changed…really change….if I have change…means that’s good news. I don’t want to be an emotional eater for the rest of my life. I get enough sleep…but still I yawn almost all the time…waking up in the morning used to be so easy for me…but now I have to drag myself out of bed…

Every week, girls here invite me to their small gathering….solat Maghrib jemaah…bacaan yasin…then Isya’….then just hang around….so far I have been none of it. I can’t explain it…I just don’t. I am touched that they didn’t give up inviting me though…this is me…sometimes.

I have no girlfriends here. Partly because I didn’t make any. People who knows me would just smile and said,’ fiela nang camya’….am I choosy? I don’t know. I hope not. I miss my housemate when I was in UNIMAS. They were good friends. I miss Zerd…I miss my roommates and tutorial-mates back in KML…

I am addicted to Grey’s anatomy…more than ever. Sometimes I feel like that’s how I escape from my own miseries and trouble (not that I am misery at all time)…anyway…watching Grey’s and all their complicated love life makes me pretty occupied…and it feels like for a while my head can rest from thinking all of the things in my life right now.

Honestly…I need a good cry…badly…I need someone who can listen to me and won’t judge me…I need that person who won’t get upset or mad or sad… I need Christina(yeah…that character in Grey’s Anatomy)…or maybe George OMalley...he is such a good person....I need that person badly…

...

...
we can sew the flesh
repair the damage
ease the pain

but when life breaks down
when we break down
there's no science
there's no hard and fast rule
we just have to feel our way through
...

...run...

I don’t know what I am running away from...but I’m sure I’m running away from something…

Denial…?

What is there in my life that needs denials?

Shockingly…shockingly I look into the mirror today…and I was quite surprised to see myself…shockingly I’m surprised…

What more could I possibly hope for in my blessed life?

kamek sik terseksa...

..baca balit blog tadik...and i'm quite shocked to know that how much i complained lately....aihhh....knak fiela jadi camtok? padanla org kata kamek sik bersyukur utk berada d sitok... :p

kamek sik terseksa di sitok....kamek happy sitok...

i'm watching tv from my cool hp...i can watch it anytime,anywhere i want for free...i can even record it so i can watch the show later...

i love my phone...even the us citizen is praying for this phone to be release in their country... :p.... yurps....so far this phone can only be found in Japan(as far as i know)..which is one of the reason i chose it over Iphone... heh heh

then i'm losing weight...after so many years of easily gaining weight....i can finally easily loosing weight as well... ;) thanks to my healthy diet here....most of all my sugar intake is so low here...

now its spring....flowers everywhere.....beautiful colourful flowers everywhere....

the internet connection! ohhh....so fast.....the best way to describe it, is this...imagine you dont have to wait for the video at youtube to buffer...you just click play and watch.....sik payah tunggu2.....or the fact that you can download the entire Grey's Anatomy Season 5 within one day...one day people! ;)

and the food...the new food i tried almost every week....the places i've been...things i've tried......i love this country...

the clean toilet....even in public crowded places....

the polite people...the smile-all-the-time waitress....

etc...etc...etc....

enough said... ;)

p/s: memang la stiap yg positive ada negatifnya...tok bukan utopia... :p

....stay with me...

One morning I woke up and feel so down…talking doesn’t help.

I’ve been in my lowest darkest moment….and I hope I won’t ever have to live through it again.

This is nothing compared to what I felt back then.

Now…

I am grateful to be born as Muslim and live as Muslim.

I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful to be loved and cared.

I am grateful to be here.

Someone told me….’you don’t have to say what you want people to believe about you. Prove it to them instead’. I couldn’t agree more. :)

I know I complained a lot…I whine a lot more….for that I’m sorry.

I know I can be so negative sometimes…I take things negatively…I see things negatively…(would you believe me that I tried to see it positively but I failed?)…I’m sorry about that too.

I have nothing else to say…