3rd day...

Yesterday was my 3rd day here..but felt like it has been weeks....

I've been chasing 'myself' around since got home....i went to 'report duty' about less than 12hours after i landed in kuching n everything was a chaos ever since.

But i m glad i did it. I m glad my colleague make me do it.

Today that same colleague asked me to join the department dinner...and though i didnt know anything about it, i went anyway...it was such a great opportunity for me! N i m so thankful i was taged along.

Though i am scared, cuz there are so many things i need to learn...but i believe if i just stay positive about everything, things will b fine...

;) soooo.... i m settling down!

;)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Gonna miss

My home
My view outside my window
My friends kat tokai
My tiny weeny lab
My super kind sensei
My super helpful labmate
Kaiten sushi hadano

Odakyu line
Chiyoda line
Hibiya line
Ginza line
Marunouchi line
Tozai line
Yamanote line
(Those are the ones i use the most)....

Shinjuku
Starbucks at shinjuku southern terrace
Shibuya hachiko exit
Hachiko statue
Starbucks near hachiko exit
Shidax village shibuya

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Bubye....

So....dah di narita airport...

Took the earliest bus from Hon Atsugi (5:10 am).
Arrived around 6:45.
Changed my clothes and shoes,rearrange the stuff in my luggage a little n now i m waiting to check in.

Narita was crowded...more than it usually is.
What bug me is how some airlines let their passenger form a really2 long line till it blocked our way.

What happened yesterday will forever carved into my mind n heart. It just proved to me how depressed i actually am when in that situation. The physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain i felt.

I know i am feisty n i know i m provocative when provoked. But the fact that i m the only one blamed is ultimately unfair to me.

Anyway...i m coming home. Gonna enter the 'rat-race'...maybe into the world of dating again.

I m happy and relieved. Letting go wont be easy. Losing something/someone is painful.

Though i believe i've learned a lot, i also realized that there is a lot more i didnt know.

So this is my goodbye post....

Welcome home dear....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Pengalaman menginsafkan

Day 6 after the mega quake

Though we do get tremors from time to time, our main concern however is the nuclear radiation from one of japan many nuclear reactor. The reactor in fukushima crack a little during the mega quake n a little bit more during the following tremors...

But if u asked me frankly, i am not even sure how worried i m. I am only reminded by the dangerous situation when i talk to my parents. The worry in their voice drive my to crazy-guilt. I cant lie to them n tell them everything is ok, cuz nothing is. But i cant simply agree with them or they will be worried even more.

But over all i m fine. How can i not be? There are others suffering more and its within my reach...

"The elderly at the evacuation center has reached their physical limit! It is cold, lack of food and clean water."

"Moms give their share of food to their child at the evacuation center"

"Most of the evacuees havent change their clothes since that day and it has been a week"

"1 blanket per 3 person."

"2 heater for 300 evacuees."

"They have to pull back the workers at the nuclear reactor cuz the radiation is too high above the safety level"

"I watched my wife and my kids being swept away in front of my eyes. I have never felt so hopeless."

"I havent seen my dad since that mega quake. I've searched at almost every rescue center. Today I am going to where they place the unindentified bodies."

"I've lost 20 family members and friends in the tsunami and i havent found any of them...yet"

....its heartbreaking...and still we are complaining?!

Stop and think...how ungrateful we are? We say thank you Allah but seconds later we mengeluh at simple2 things...

...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Aftershock day 4

...the longest 4 days in my life...

I love my friend n i love her company...
...but i must admit...all of this are overwhelming...

We still get the quake from time to time...the latest is this morning...around subuh....but we r ok

There is nothing much i can share here...

My mind is totally numb...

I m fine...food is enough...there's water...electricity (they havent cut it off although they say they would)

I m just getting restless...i want to go back to my home...pack my stuff and be ready to leave this country asap.

I feel awfully bad when my parents asked me to come home as soon as possible...i just dont know what to say...i feel awful cuz i kno i can stop them from worrying so much, but i did nothing...

I really am fine here...its just that japan is really unstable right now...japan is always an unstable country...earthquake everymonth! That is not stable at all...but with mega quake this big....why would i wanna stay longer? Why would i let my mum worrying day in day out?

Plus some university are cancelling their commencement ceremony...they want to encourage their foreign student to go back to their homeland soon as possible.

One of my friend had his parents to come to visit him here...they arrived in tokyo on saturday evening around 7...he fetched them from the airport around that time n only reached home at 2am due to the heavy traffic! That is crazy! The parents are quite miserable since that night...they refuse to go out n just want to go back to malaysia...

Get what i mean?

Plus with the food shortage,its only fair for us to leave so that the rest of the food in this country can go to those who stay...its not like i m staying to help! I m only using up their limited food,water n electricity! What kind of person do that? Its like 'mencuri dari yang miskin'.... :(

So why am i not packing my stuff to go home?

Cuz i cant even go back to my own home here!

Nuffff saiddd

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

The aftershock..

....so after that i stayed in the train...

Still tweeting....from time to time...most of us were still trying to contact our love ones....some manage to get through...some didnt...as for me, fb n twitter is the only option

I waited in the train till almost 6...the earthquake happened around 3.15pm ....i didnt even realized how fast time flew...

There were no more tremors as we waited(or maybe i was too shaken to realized...iskk)....people started to calm down...i bought myself a bottle of water at the nearby vending machine...then i stepped back into the train n took a seat...i took out my diary,took off my shoes,put my feet up(i dont care anymore...this one makcik just smile seeing me and start to do the same since the seats beside us are empty) and then i started writing...a lady in front of me was reading her novel...makcik2 at the further end of the coach started to chat and smile and laugh...a serious looking guy,in suit, try to doze-off...another woman tried to entertain a primary school girl..they chat n sang songs (i m sure they were strangers to each other...n i was right,later the girl's mother came and thanked the woman for entertaining her child)...the rest has left the train..

.but since the darkness is settling in,so does the low temperature....i started to get restless again...thinking should i wait till the train move or should i walk instead...i had no idea where i am..let alone to walk to my friend's place, that's about 4 station away!...i can use google map on my phone but my phone battery is running out...bottom line is, i m quite desperate...my mind spinning fast...trying what to do...should i stay? Should i wait? I didnt have anybody to rely to...all of my friends are far...what can they do? ....i stay calm n smile at the same makcik that smile at me before...she smile back n i feel better.... :)

Suddenly i saw a familiar face walking towards me... .he is a friend of a friend! He was looking for me from coach to coach..my friend told him that i was in the train near to his office (luckily) n without any second thoughts, he came to look for me...all my friend did was asked him if i can wait in his office till the train move...he didnt answer her,but came to look for me instead! ....i was really lucky...really lucky! Really really lucky! And blessed....

We decided to leave the train n as i was walking towards the train station exit, i felt like time has come to a stop. People standing and waiting and fiddling with their phone...perhaps trying to find a way to go back home.....)

(I learned later that u can get a free bus ticket to your selected destination should u need one..its the courtesy of the train company)

At last that friend send me home by car...by then, there were traffic jam everywhere...on the way, one of the road actually cracked and water were leaking out from the manhole...and at the same time i was watching the news on the tv (the car has a small monitor either for tv or navigation)..they were showing the earthquake n the tsunami....it happened at a place about 5 to 6 hours drive from where i m right now! .........

So that night i stayed with a friend...both of us are obviously traumatized but try to act like nothing happened. We get worried about friends that were stuck in a train or in train station...making phone calls to our family n friends, ensuring them we are safe....tweeting n fb again....texting those nearby,asking if they r ok...watching the news on tv..being on alert all the time...from time to time the earth shakes...some mild enough till we didnt realized...some too strong till we start panicking a little...but no matter how small or how big the quake is, each time i noticed it, my heart skip a beat....

I cant remember what time did i fall asleep that night...all i know i spend the entire time praying n tweeting n fb n calling my family....

But alhamdulillah...i am safe....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Japan worst earthquake in... ?

I am alone riding the train
Going back to hadano city from gyotoku
It was a lovely friday early noon
I left gyotoku around 2 something
Since it was not a peak hour,the train coach was empty unless for me n about 6 or 7 other people

We were stopping at kasai station when the train started to shake(?)
At first nobody really notice it
Then it somehow get stronger, but still we manage to ignore it (cuz earthquake happens almost on monthly or maybe weekly basis...so a quake for five seconds is really nothing to us...)
I remember glancing outside of the train window...and look at the train stopping next to us...somehow there is something weird about the train...it wasnt moving but somehow its not tak bergerak
Thats when i realized that the train is actually shaking left n right...there are times when the train tire(?) actually in the air...about an inch or two above rail...
But still my numb mind couldnt make up what is happening...
I turn my eyes into the train i m in...
Then the shake become really unbearable and people start to look at each other
Panic in our eyes
We reach for anything to hold on to
even sitting down i feel like falling off the seat..
A guy almost drop to his knees cuz its shaking to left n right violently
An old lady on the platform outside the train actually hold on to a tiang ...on the platform...she was holding on to the tiang for her dear life...
A guy lean himself to the nearest vending machine on the platform
Suddenly a station staff came n order all of us to stay inside the train
The old lady just now unable to move...its like she is scared of letting go of the tiang cuz she know if she did,she will fall flat
Imagine standing on a floor that is shaking left and right
This happen for about 30 seconds....the longest 30 seconds of my life...

Suddenly it stop
We look at each other
Relief in our eyes
We started to make phonecall...but none came through
Some started to watch the news on their mobile phones
Some just try to breath and close their eyes
N me, trying to call my friends..and texting them...

Just when we started to calm ourselves...came the 2nd quake...its almost as strong,if not stronger than the first one
Once again we look at each other
N panic in our eyes
But nobody ran
Nobody scream
Nobody say or do anything except trying to balance themself n hold on to something
I realized this is not 'just another earthquake'
Quickly i take out my cash,my japanese ic, my malaysian ic n my malaysian driving license n slip in into the pocket of my pants...
Once the quake stop, there is silent....deathly silent...everybody just stay really quiet n mind their own bussiness
I m still fiddling with my phone
Turning to twitter n fb instead
Learning that my friends who are so many miles away can also feel the quake
Another station staff came
Checking the location of the fire extinguisher in each train coach
Anouncement was made again n again about the earthquake
We can hear police/fireman/ambulance siren from the street below the railway
We can hear helicopters flying above us

The aftershock also happened so many times...each time i almost cried...i m alone n so scared
Tweeting excessively...i find some comfort there... :)

....(to be continue in the next post....)... ;)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

expectation

never expect anything from anyone...the expectation will only bring u frustration...

i've realized that the higher my expectation is, the more frustrated i will be.

more often than not, i expect too much and its not helping the relationship at all. when i put my expectation down, things happen more naturally and i m much more happy with it.

in other words, when we stop expecting, if something happen, we will be pleasantly surprised...but if nothing happen, then we wont feel anything,cuz we are not expecting it...not feeling anything is better than being frustrated or worst hurt...

but being me, sometimes i cant help being hopeful and expect things to happen...i expect others to act in one way or another...

however i m glad that when they didnt meet my expectation, i m able to brush it off and simply said its because all of us are different. thus we see things differently...and handle them differently...janganla semuanya nak di ambil hati..janganlah semuanya nak makan hati....we would be a very miserable person then...

u r a good listener

...but not a good writer...

haha...fuhhh...kna skali! :p

but its ok....i know how lousy my writings can be...

i m happy if my posts can help others...especially in dealing with their emotions...

cuz i believe just by knowing others are going through the same thing as we are, are somewhat comforting enough...it gives us faith that we are not alone in this world n its not the end of the world...

but if it is as useless as it can be...then that is ok... ;)

ok...there goes another of my crappy post!

hehe

have a nice day people!