Losing something i've lost

I have lost so much

But I have gain so much more

I’ve lost few important people in my life

Those that I wish would stay around longer

But that is life

Life offer lost along with love and something…(read it somewhere and now I couldn’t find the article. I believe it is from one of the article on Psychology Today..)

Anyway, me and the author think alike (*I’m beaming proudly*)..haha….. anyway, me and him think alike. Just days before reading the article, i’m missing one of my best friends so badly, so in tears, I told my other friend how much I miss that one person and how badly I want things to go back to where they were once again.

I told him I felt like I’ve lost so much this year and feels like I cant stand another lost. I was clearly thinking as I was saying (or typing) it out loud cause my next sentence sounded something like this; “but in the same time I gained so much more”

Truth is I did.

I’ve lost my best friend due to some misunderstanding between us and it breaks my heart and I miss her so very much.

But in the same time, I found someone new, a new best friend that I only met months ago but bonded almost instantly. We are crazy about each other and I am glad I found her.

It’s the same with other aspect in my life. Sometimes I felt like I’ve lost so much but truth is, why mourn over the loss when I have so many other things, good things, still around and they keep on coming.

So please be thankful for what you have. Others lost so much more than we can ever imagine and still they wake up everyday, they heart aching but they smile and face the day as positively as they can.

Smile as much as you can….but most of all, stay calm. Don’t be too excited or too sad…moderation! ;)

StigMa

My friend and I was talking about obesity when he gave me the idea how or why obesity has become a norm especially in Malaysia and even worldwide.

In the past, obesity is considered as something “wrong”and obese people are usually made fun of. They were laughed at and bullied at school. They are the unpopular group in highschool and most obese people suffer from low self-esteem due to the stigma by the public.

However in our recent years, slowly we see more and more obese people and they are the successful people in most fields. In school (unfortunately), they (the obese kid) is the bullies instead of being bullied by.

(by the way do you know that in the past….during our ancestors time, “bullies” actually means sweetheart?! Shocking right? )

Anyway, how can be someone fat, laughed and make fun of other kids, most probably the healthier kid? (Well, I said this cuz usually a fat kid won’t pick on other fat kid…they won’t even use the ‘fat’ word!). The explanation is simple enough; it is because obese kid has become the majority while healthier kid becoming the minor group and the rule of “bullying” is, the more prominent, larger group will make fun of the less prominent or smaller group.

Let me stress it out, obese people are increasing (especially younger generation / the fast-food-high-tech-gadgets generation) …and thus the stigma towards obese people are slowly shifted.

Or is it the other way around?

Instead of the stigma is lifted cuz there are more obese people

or

obese people are increasing in number cuz the stigma is somehow lifted?

(saya pun confused…figure it out on it on your own! Haha)

STIGMA!

It is the same with divorce. Although the divorce rate per year in general has somehow level off but the divorce rate in newlywed are sadly up to 67%...in other words out of 10 newlyweds, only 3 couples can rely on their marriage to stay. This is the American divorce rate but I believe the pattern is not that much different in our homeland…(Daniel Goleman, 1995)

In the past there is this stigma on divorcee….name calling like ‘janda berhias’and so on has such a negative image on the divorcee. In the past, most woman decide to stay in her unhappy miserable marriage and somehow she live through it, focusing her attention on her children and try to work things out (instead of pack-up and leave).Nowadays, the stigma is somehow lessen. Divorcee is more accepted since there are more and more of them. They have their own association and such and the entire stigma has little impact. Thus in the long, run more and more people accept divorce and perhaps didn’t try hard enough to stay and work out their marriage.

My point is, stigma do have positive effect in our life. As human we do care about what others think of us. We listen and we think about it. Sometimes we need these critiques to help us in making a wiser decision…it helps to motivate us to try harder…sometimes.

But since obese and divorce (and lots of other example) are more accepted in our culture, and the stigma is somehow lifted, we need something else, something larger to avoid being obese or getting ourselves a divorce. We need a more meaningful motivation to stop us from indulging in those red velvet cupcakes…hmmm….haha

Of course for some people, such things are unavoidable. It’s all fate..written and done. The end result doesn’t really matter. What truly matter is we’ve try hard enough to work it out…at least for me that is what truly matter. We have no control on our future but we can somehow try to shape them with our present decisions and actions …

p/s: I have no intention to hurt anyone out there….I am fat myself…I know how it feels like to feel inferior…I’ve been ridicule before…I’ve been there…and I’ve done that…

I’m taking obesity and divorce as an example simply based on my discussion with a friend and also my reading….Takde kene mengene ngan yang hidup ataupun yang sudah meninggal dunia. I hope you guys can imply this in other aspect of our life…such as homosexualism, gender-modification, plastic-surgery, lipo-suction, botoxification (haha….i made that up!)…etc…

self-justification

So many things on my mind lately

So many events and tasks to be completed

The main event was my sister’s wedding

Alhamdulillah it went all smoothly

It’s the end of the year and just when I thought the drama on fb has ended…it started all over again…the fact that someone called me “asshole” do hurt my feelings and it bothers me for a minute or two…for a split second I wanna announce to the world what really happened but luckily I am able to rationalize myself and not to do the same thing.

This morning I thought about self-justification and I realized that it is more about consoling our own self, rather than telling people the truth so that they can stop judging you negatively.

I mean people can judge you anyway they like. You can’t tell them to like you or hate you. They see you as who you are. Although how people see you will definitely affect your life (especially your emotion) but by the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.

Nobody knows you more than you know yourself. You can tell others lie but you can never lie to yourself. You will always know the truth and judgment is only fair when it there’s truth…the real truth.

I can only wish all this mental torture would end but since I know far too well it won’t, I am determined to accept it as what it is and just smile and shrugged it off.

Bak kata my friend, “kalau awak make sure diaorg masuk syurga pun belum tentu diaorg akan maafkan awak”…..i know babe….and I can only pray….give some solace to their heart like I have in mine…

Big S or Big ASS? :P

So yesterday was another genetic class for me

in genetic studies we conventionally designated letters to represent the allele (factor)...

for dominant factors we use capital letter and for recessive we use small caps

anyway,

for yesterday class, somehow the letter that i use is S

so its "big S" for dominant factor

and "small s" for recessive..supposedly i said "little s" rather than "small s"...but its easier to say small than little....

so as i was saying "big S and small s bla bla bla..."..then "big s"some more...and "small s" ...i said it so many times cuz i need to explain it to them

that is when i notice the boys (sitting at the far end of the class) grinning so widely at me. some even start to giggle...the girls are smiling as well.... that is when i realize something and i started to grin widely as well and without any of us (me and my 100 students) said anything, we burst out laughing......

hahaha...i love such moments in class....i didn't mean to sound explicit or anything....but we all have that "naughty"mind sometimes...gila

wow i hope none of my students file a complain against me...a sexual harassment complaint! :p

so all through the class after that, each time i need to say it, i choose not to....i just point to it with my pointer...(n i realized they would smile each time)....

i enjoyed teaching n i hope my students enjoyed my class as well...more importantly...they learnt something from me....

:D

Stop hitting yourself with the hammer

Why do we do that?

Keep on hitting ourselves with the hammer?

Cuz when we finally stop, it feels so good

And slowly it becomes an addiction to most of us

…

Stop stalking someone’s facebook page!

Then get all upset because of their posts…their status, their pictures, their comments, their friend’s post on their wall…etc

Never expect others to take care of your feelings

Take care of your own…and try your best not to hurt others in doing so

Life is simple…don’t make it harder than it is supposed to be