once bitten....

Ever heard of the saying, “when one door shut, the other opens”?

Most of us, (hokeyyy…most of depressed people) stares too long at the closed door till they miss the open door behind them.

Changes are scary cuz we can never predict how things will turn out.

In the same time, there is also a saying that sounds like this, “once bitten, twice shy”. This is also so true.

Experience supposed to teach us something we can’t learn anywhere else. Pain and loss is the best teacher anyone can ever have.

It’s your choice.

If you keep on saying it’s totally not your fault, then you will never learn. You will never improve! I mean why would we want to learn when we believed that we are already the best?! Right?! Sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes it’s their fault. But most of the time it’s the fault of both party. After all it takes two to tango!

Tepuk dada tanya selera.

There are times when I am thankful for all the messy choices I’ve made throughout my 25years of life. Though there are some faults that will keep on haunting me, I know I can never learn if I do every single thing precisely right. Now I truly understand why my parents let me make my own decision when its time. It is because they want me to learn. They want me to live through it. If they keep on making the decision for me, I will never learn. I will never be able to see thing as I can see it now.

I am not encouraging you to make messy choices or choices that are obviously wrong. I am encouraging you to learn from the mistakes you’ve made. If you believed that you’ve never did any mistakes, then learn from others. Read and pay more attention. Be a good listener. Listen more and you will be amazed at things you will learn.

But hey…I am just 25…what do I know right? haha….ambil yang ada isi, ignore yang kosong aite! I was just saying! After all I love love love to talk (or blog)… ;)

Losing something i've lost

I have lost so much

But I have gain so much more

I’ve lost few important people in my life

Those that I wish would stay around longer

But that is life

Life offer lost along with love and something…(read it somewhere and now I couldn’t find the article. I believe it is from one of the article on Psychology Today..)

Anyway, me and the author think alike (*I’m beaming proudly*)..haha….. anyway, me and him think alike. Just days before reading the article, i’m missing one of my best friends so badly, so in tears, I told my other friend how much I miss that one person and how badly I want things to go back to where they were once again.

I told him I felt like I’ve lost so much this year and feels like I cant stand another lost. I was clearly thinking as I was saying (or typing) it out loud cause my next sentence sounded something like this; “but in the same time I gained so much more”

Truth is I did.

I’ve lost my best friend due to some misunderstanding between us and it breaks my heart and I miss her so very much.

But in the same time, I found someone new, a new best friend that I only met months ago but bonded almost instantly. We are crazy about each other and I am glad I found her.

It’s the same with other aspect in my life. Sometimes I felt like I’ve lost so much but truth is, why mourn over the loss when I have so many other things, good things, still around and they keep on coming.

So please be thankful for what you have. Others lost so much more than we can ever imagine and still they wake up everyday, they heart aching but they smile and face the day as positively as they can.

Smile as much as you can….but most of all, stay calm. Don’t be too excited or too sad…moderation! ;)

StigMa

My friend and I was talking about obesity when he gave me the idea how or why obesity has become a norm especially in Malaysia and even worldwide.

In the past, obesity is considered as something “wrong”and obese people are usually made fun of. They were laughed at and bullied at school. They are the unpopular group in highschool and most obese people suffer from low self-esteem due to the stigma by the public.

However in our recent years, slowly we see more and more obese people and they are the successful people in most fields. In school (unfortunately), they (the obese kid) is the bullies instead of being bullied by.

(by the way do you know that in the past….during our ancestors time, “bullies” actually means sweetheart?! Shocking right? )

Anyway, how can be someone fat, laughed and make fun of other kids, most probably the healthier kid? (Well, I said this cuz usually a fat kid won’t pick on other fat kid…they won’t even use the ‘fat’ word!). The explanation is simple enough; it is because obese kid has become the majority while healthier kid becoming the minor group and the rule of “bullying” is, the more prominent, larger group will make fun of the less prominent or smaller group.

Let me stress it out, obese people are increasing (especially younger generation / the fast-food-high-tech-gadgets generation) …and thus the stigma towards obese people are slowly shifted.

Or is it the other way around?

Instead of the stigma is lifted cuz there are more obese people

or

obese people are increasing in number cuz the stigma is somehow lifted?

(saya pun confused…figure it out on it on your own! Haha)

STIGMA!

It is the same with divorce. Although the divorce rate per year in general has somehow level off but the divorce rate in newlywed are sadly up to 67%...in other words out of 10 newlyweds, only 3 couples can rely on their marriage to stay. This is the American divorce rate but I believe the pattern is not that much different in our homeland…(Daniel Goleman, 1995)

In the past there is this stigma on divorcee….name calling like ‘janda berhias’and so on has such a negative image on the divorcee. In the past, most woman decide to stay in her unhappy miserable marriage and somehow she live through it, focusing her attention on her children and try to work things out (instead of pack-up and leave).Nowadays, the stigma is somehow lessen. Divorcee is more accepted since there are more and more of them. They have their own association and such and the entire stigma has little impact. Thus in the long, run more and more people accept divorce and perhaps didn’t try hard enough to stay and work out their marriage.

My point is, stigma do have positive effect in our life. As human we do care about what others think of us. We listen and we think about it. Sometimes we need these critiques to help us in making a wiser decision…it helps to motivate us to try harder…sometimes.

But since obese and divorce (and lots of other example) are more accepted in our culture, and the stigma is somehow lifted, we need something else, something larger to avoid being obese or getting ourselves a divorce. We need a more meaningful motivation to stop us from indulging in those red velvet cupcakes…hmmm….haha

Of course for some people, such things are unavoidable. It’s all fate..written and done. The end result doesn’t really matter. What truly matter is we’ve try hard enough to work it out…at least for me that is what truly matter. We have no control on our future but we can somehow try to shape them with our present decisions and actions …

p/s: I have no intention to hurt anyone out there….I am fat myself…I know how it feels like to feel inferior…I’ve been ridicule before…I’ve been there…and I’ve done that…

I’m taking obesity and divorce as an example simply based on my discussion with a friend and also my reading….Takde kene mengene ngan yang hidup ataupun yang sudah meninggal dunia. I hope you guys can imply this in other aspect of our life…such as homosexualism, gender-modification, plastic-surgery, lipo-suction, botoxification (haha….i made that up!)…etc…